The Sorrow of Living in Fukushima   福島は日本か:ツイッターで綴る震災後の日々 

A Fukushima-native single mother has been writing poems on twitter about her life since the 3.11 disaster. She goes by the twitter name of Sasukensuke and her account "Is Fukushima Japan?" has been followed by thousands of users. In August, Mamarevo magazine published a series of her poems on the latest issue. How has the worst nuclear accident in the history changed a mother's life?  How has she been fighting to protect her children and family from radiation exposure? 

WNSCR translated Susukensuke's poems to share with readers. 

 

NOTE: The text and pictures belong to sasukensuke. Please let us know if you wish to copy or translate the text. 

 

福島の原発震災と自身の生活について、自らの想いを綴りツイッターで発信している福島出身のお母さんがいます。雑誌ママレボが、先月発売の第8号でこのお母さんの詩(福島は日本か@asukensuke)をまとめて掲載しました。言葉の一つひとつが、胸に突き刺さります。

子ども世界ネットワークにて、一連の詩を翻訳しました。

(日本語原文は英語訳のあとに続きます)

 

(注意:写真、文章はsasukensukeさんに属します。無許可転載はご遠慮下さい。転載希望の際は、必ず子ども世界ネットワークにご連絡ください。)

 

 

Photo provided by Sasukensuke.
Photo provided by Sasukensuke.

 

1. 

Making my kids wear a glass badge*, a useless almighty protector,

I send them onto a battle field.

I see decontamination trucks in town

There are unknown men in the local convenience store.

I smell dusty soil from them.

Plastic storage bags are piling up here and there,

and I recall there is a school meal center just near by.

 

 

*Note by translator:   A glass badge is a simple personal dosimeter that measures air dose radiation. Children living in the radiation affected areas are strongly encouraged to carry them at all times when they go out and while attending school.

 

 

 

2.

Waking up in the wee hours of the morning often,

I think of the thyroid nodules of my children, are they seeming to be all right?

What if I accept the reality that seems to ridicule my best effort to protect my kids?

I perfectly know the answer, It it is just the matter of time.

Then what should I do?

I betray everyone and just leave?

 

 

 

3.

My mother in my hometown worries about radiation.

My father is intent on staying in Fukushima, being deceived by the government.

The two are most likely being exposed to radiation equally,

while arguing everyday and living in the same moment.

I don't want them to be irradiated.

Children, adults, elders.

Irradiation. I can’t accept it, there is no way to accept it.

 

 

 

4.

I fight with my parents for where to store the bottled water we bought.

It is 0.5 there and 0.2 here, so I’ll place them here.

No, it does not make a difference!

So we fight.

 

 

 

5.

The level of contamination is more or less the same all around,

but we still compare the radiation levels: here is lower than there.

It makes us feel superior,

but that kind of life troubles me.

 

 

 

6.

Beside the mountains of bags storing radioactive soil,

German journalists are walking in protective suits.

Beside them, I see my children walking toward me with school backpacks on their back.

From my anguish, I become completely speechless……

 

 

 

7.

I have suffered from depression, the cancer of my heart.

Exposure to radiation, divorce.

They destroyed my children’s future.

I was told evacuation was a stupid action.

Thyroid nodules were found in my children.

The truth is so unclear, and I can't bear that we, adults and society, are so irresponsible.

I got ill with cancer in my heart, in my mind.

Radiation seems to have contaminated my heart first, the most vulnerable.

 

 

 

8. 

What is recuperation? Thyroid nodules? Radioactive Iodine?

What are they all?

Once you step out of Fukushima, very few people know what these words mean.

I now think they are simply fortunate as they are.

Ignorance is bliss.

See no evil, Hear no evil, Say no evil.

That must be bliss.

 

 


9.

What vegetables were we harvesting in this season?

Potatoes with the smell of fresh soil.

So many eggplants, rolled over on the floor of the entrance area.

I now see only the weeds covering the garden.

I try to recall what kind of vegetables I used to harvest, but the memory seems far away.

 


 

10.

Both my parents and my children are precious to me

One morning my mother of 69 years says,

you should protect your kids.

I want to protect both.

In Fukushima, protecting both at the same time

may be difficult.

So here comes the extreme decision to choose which to pick.

Any parent wishes the happiness of the child, first and foremost.

We are forced to choose either, again and again.

 

 

 

11.

Choose children or husband?

The sense of value over life became a profound gulf between us.

What I can only say is that I didn't want to put even one particle of radiation in them, made of my flesh and blood.

I wanted my beloved children to have an ordinary life just like before the accident

and experience the richness and beauty of Fukushima, just as I did .

The gulf between us was too deep.

 

 


12.

There is no other way but to live the life I believe in,

a decision that took me more than three years to make.

I had lived my life, compromising myself, going along with my husband, others, and school activities.

I had compromised myself to go along with Fukushima

I want to live the rest of my life in my truth.

Will it be possible?

 

 


13.

There is no place I can go back to.

My loving home is

Fukushima.

Someday in the future,

I shall be a part of Fukushima soil

because that is where I go back.

 

 

Photo provided by Sasukensuke
Photo provided by Sasukensuke

1.

 

子どもらにガラスバッチという

役立たずのおまもりをつけさせ

戦場に行かせます

町の中は除染のトラックが

コンビニには見たことのない

男性がたくさんいて

土の埃の匂いがします

あちこちにビニールの袋が

積んであります

その近くは給食センターだっけ


 

2. 

 

この時間 目が覚める

子どもらの のう胞

大丈夫なのか自問する

精いっぱいの自衛すら あざ笑うような

現実を受入れたら 

大丈夫なのは時間の問題だと

分かり切ってる答えから

わたしはどう行動したらいいのだろう

周りを裏切る形で 逃げ出そうか


 

3. 

 

実家の母は 放射線を気にしている

実家の父は

国にだまされて福島で生きると

そんな2人は 日々けんかしながら 

多分 等しく 被ばくして

今もこの時間を 過ごしている

被ばくなんてしてほしくない

子どもも大人も年寄りも

被ばくなんて ありえない

ありえない


 

4. 


買ってきたペットボトルの

水の置き場所で親とケンカする

そこは線量0.5だから

0.2のこっちへ置け!

いや意味ないと もめる

 


5. 

 

もう五十歩百歩の汚染と思われるのに

あそこよりは線量低いからと 比べて 少しばかりの優越に浸りながらの

生活に 悩む


 

6. 


汚染土壌の袋が山になっている脇を

ドイツの取材班が

白い防護服であるいている脇を

我が子がランドセルを

背負いあるいてくる光景に、

悩む、いや、絶句ーーーー。


 

7. 

 

鬱という、心のガンを患いました

被ばく、離婚

子どもらの未来を壊しました

避難は愚行といわれ

子どもらに のう胞を見つけ

真実が 本当に不確かで

無責任な自分たちや世の中が悔しくて

心のガンを患いました

放射能は まず一番弱い

わたしの心を 汚染した模様



8. 

 

保養って のう胞って ヨウ素って

なんですか

福島から一歩外に出ると

何のことか

ほとんどの人が知りません

多分 それは幸せなことなんだと

考えるようになりました

知らぬが仏 見ざる聞かざる言わざる

多分 幸せなことなんだと


9. 


今頃は どんな野菜が 

とれたのだろう

新鮮な土の匂いのジャガイモ

家の玄関に無造作にころがる

飽きるくらいあったナス

今では 草だらけの畑しかありません

今頃は どんな野菜が

とれたのだろう 思い出せない



10. 

 

親も子どもも大切で

ある朝 69歳の母が

お前は子どもらを 守れと

自分はどちらも 守りたい

福島ではどちらも同時に

守れないかも知れないから

どちらかを取るっていう究極の選択を

親が子の 幸せをただただ願う

二者択一の 究極の選択を 繰り返す



11. 


子どもか旦那か 命の価値観の違いは

大きな溝となり

ただ言えることは

わたしの分身に 一粒たりとも

放射能を入れたくなかった

このかわいい我が子に震災前の日常を

自分が味わった福島と同じ

自然の醍醐味を感じてほしかった

価値観の溝は深すぎて


 

12. 


もうこうなったらやっぱり

自分の信じる道を生きるという

結論まで三年以上毎日悩みました。

旦那にあわせ 周りにあわせ

行事や学校にあわせ 

福島にあわせてきました

最期は自分にあわせて

残りの人生を生きてみたい

できるかな


 

13.


自分の返る 場所がない

わたしの大好きな ふるさとは

福島です

いつかは いつの日かは

福島の土になると 思います

自分の 帰る場所 だから



 


詩 sasukensuke

英訳 WNSCR 子どもたちを放射能から守る世界ネットワーク

original text in Japanese by sasukensuke

Translation by WNSCR

Write a comment

Comments: 1
  • #1

    Nick Thabit (Saturday, 14 November 2015 13:52)

    I'd like to copy the poem to my Facebook page, FukushimaWatch. I am trying to tell what I can about the reality in Japan now.

    Thank you,
    Nick